Addicted people are different
People with a serious illness such as cancer or tuberculosis often decide to enter a clinic for treatment and rehabilitation. They are usually following expert advice which seems very reasonable and anyway, all the evidence points to this course of action being likely to produce the best recovery. In fact, it seems so sensible that they will often make sacrifices – financial, work or social, in order to do so. Thus, they take responsible steps in order to ensure long term benefits for themselves and their loved ones. People suffering from addiction often struggle to be like that – they think they are different.
Perception of Rehab
Such people are often conditioned to resist the idea of rehab through fear as a result of their often-inaccurate perception of what is involved. This can be either fear of the stigma from taking such action, fear of the process of rehab or simply fear of change itself. There are commonly held ideas that rehab is for weak or bad people, for example or that the rehab process breaks people emotionally before it puts them back together, and people don’t like to imagine themselves in that sort of light. Such fears are not just at an intellectual level – people with serious dependence problems especially to mood altering substances, tend to become insecure, highly anxious and even paranoid in response to the chemicals they are ingesting. Such concerns should always be listened to and treated with respect, but they are, nevertheless, unfounded.
Resistance
But this doesn’t fully explain the resistance to rehab that is so often seen. Remember that addicts are usually masters of manipulation and if they see the slightest chance that they might once again ‘get away with things’, they will jump at it. Any small hope that they might avoid or delay the pain of reality and change will be seized upon.
Good reasons not to go
Are there perhaps genuine good reasons not to go? Can there ever be special considerations such as cost or stigma that take priority. Exceptional cases where people are right to resist going into rehab do exist. They might include for example pregnant or single mothers with very small children, people with diagnosed antisocial conditions such as agoraphobia or autism. Generally speaking though, the great majority of people are not in such categories and are simply fearful about change of any kind.
The bottom line
The bottom line is that there is almost never a good reason not to go to rehab. When death is an eventual likely result of not going, most of the reasons that people give begin to sound feeble and unconvincing.
Self-esteem
For some, going to rehab can seem like an admission of failure. Nothing could be further from the truth but, for these people, asking for help in this way means swallowing their pride – and sometimes this distorted view of themselves is all they have left to cling to, though they may not know it. Addiction has a way of diminishing a person’s self-esteem which they then try to compensate for by inflating their ego. The grotesque and prickly personality thus produced is always likely to resist new ideas of any kind, until that person decides to become honest with themselves.
Let’s look at the most common excuses used by people:
1. I don’t need it
If other people are concerned at your addictive behavior and tell you so, then you probably do need it. Addiction is progressive and can creep up on people unawares, so they are genuinely shocked to be confronted about it. If your behavior has gradually changed, you may have got into the habit of accepting your own unacceptable actions, but other people are not so tolerant. A consensus of such people is seldom wrong. And very few people end up in rehab by mistake. People who cannot be honest with themselves are often able to continue for years telling themselves that they are in control of their behaviour when they are plainly not. Clearly, it is time for honesty right now.
2. I don’t have the time
This excuse, famously posited by the late singer Amy Winehouse, is nothing but minimizing a serious situation. Unfortunately, addiction especially substance abuse, leads people to do that with often dire consequences, as Amy so tragically proved. You may think that your job or your role in the family is too important to allow your absence for a few weeks and there may be an element of truth in that, but it is the wrong way of seeing things. Better to consider that your job or family role is far too important to be done by the person you have become – one who is so addicted that they have become a danger to themselves or others. You may like to think that you are indispensable but very few people really are. Deaths and accidents prove regularly that people can be replaced, and roles adjusted. Even the absence of a family member such as a father or mother, on a temporary basis can be worth it when that person returns from rehab at last able to perform as a fully functioning parent.
3. I can’t afford to go
Actually, you can’t afford not to go – if you have been spending large sums for years on liquor, heroin and cocaine (or perhaps worse, for your finances– gambling), not to mention the lifestyle that goes with it, then your addiction is going to bankrupt you pretty soon, if it has not already done so. Of course, it may be that you really have spent all your wealth on their addiction and have nothing left. On the other hand, people often go to extraordinary lengths to raise funds out of desperation to keep their addiction going. Now is the time to use that ingenuity for a worthy cause. If you don’t have the money in the bank, there are other sources including taking out a loan. Rehab can still be funded through the NHS or Social Services in certain cases. Nobody likes debt but doing nothing is highly likely to mean even more debt further down the line.
4. I’ll go later
Not for nothing is procrastination called the thief of time. Your comfort zone behavior may be to do nothing and hope the problem will go away, but this one won’t. It will simply get bigger and nastier. Putting off the decision and buying time is classic manipulation, but for what? The sensible decision is to face things and start acting grown up. Six months from now, you’ll wish you had gone when it was first suggested.
5. Rehab doesn’t work and anyway, I’m different
Rehab works for thousands of people if they want it. The evidence is easy to find. The real question is ‘will I take responsibility and put in the effort to make it work’ rather than expecting to be ‘fixed’ by somebody else? It is very common for addicted people to feel misunderstood and somehow different. The truth is that, however unique you may think your needs, and however special your reasons for not going to rehab as recommended, you are most likely merely prevaricating out of a mixture of fear and denial – just like a lot of others. It is a natural reaction but that does not make it the right one.
6. An opportunity not a failure
The moment that somebody suggests that you need to go to rehab can be a shock, but it is also a crucial event. At least be open to the idea and start a discussion. How you respond will affect the rest of your life. Ask yourself as honestly as you can, what would be the best course of action for you and your loved ones. Will you look back in years to come and see that this was the moment when you first took responsibility and stopped being a victim who expected other people to get you out of trouble? This is an opportunity, not a failure.
At Stockholm’s Beroendekliniken we are always ready to discuss your needs and explain what rehab involves. Our lines are open 24/7.
