You’ve done psychic readings for many years. What made you decide to write a book about finding the love of your life?
Ellany: I had a blog for many years and once a month I’d send out a newsletter to my clients with a link to my current blog posting. My clients began complimenting me on how they loved the wisdom I shared. One night, I thought, “Why not take this wisdom and share it in a book?” Once I committed to writing the book, it really flowed naturally. The book is filled with my client’s stories (names changed), my stories and stories from many familiar Hollywood rom-coms.
As you know, there are tons of dating books and self-help books out there in the market. What makes your book different?
Ellany: Some of the books that are out there are all about ‘playing the game’ and that’s fine if that’s what you are looking for, however they are people who want more. The people who have found me and work with me want a real relationship. They want to connect with the right person. They want a commitment. They want marriage, but can’t figure out how to get there. My approach is two-fold. First, you need to understand the law of attraction and how it works in dating life and secondly, you need to be willing to look at and work through your unresolved issues. We all have unresolved issues that need to be addressed. When we don’t deal with them, they can cause chaos in our lives.
What would be a type of unresolved issue?
Ellany: There’s a chapter on ‘mirroring’. Mirroring is when a person we are dating ‘mirrors’ back to us an unresolved issue within ourselves. When the mirroring occurs, we can use that experience as a teacher to heal what’s inside ourselves or we can reject that person and move on. If we choose the healing experience, we have the ability to become more whole. The more whole we are, the more we are able to attract someone else who’s whole.
Can you tell me more about how the law of attraction fits into the book?
Ellany: Most people don’t know why they are attracted to a partner. They’ll say, “He’s cute or She’s hot or He’s really smart or She’s perfect”, but they are also attracted to something in the person’s energy field that is not apparent to them right away. It could be that the cute guy is the right person to help you work through those feelings of abandonment from your distant father or that hot woman is going to help you see beyond the physical and connect with the insecurities you feel about your own looks. We attract those partners to us so we can heal from our past.
What would you say is the number one issue with dating today?
Ellany: Most people don’t know what they want. If you are single and looking to mingle, great, but be clear that that’s what you want. If you are divorced or widowed and you are entering the dating pool again, ask yourself what you want now. If you are looking for a relationship, what kind of qualities are you looking for in a new partner? Get clarity on that. I can’t tell you how many times a man or a woman has said to me, “I just want to meet a nice guy or a nice girl.” That’s not specific enough.
Specific enough?
Ellany: As I mentioned, the law of attraction brings to us those who vibrate at the same level as ourselves. Once you’ve started the process of healing your unresolved issues, and it is a process, you need to start getting clarity on what you want in an ideal partner. I don’t mean what he or she looks like. Yes, that’s important. I mean, “What qualities do you want in your next partner?” Do they have a white collar job or blue collar? Is your ideal partner honest? Respectful? What type of relationship does he or she have with their parents or siblings? What type of relationship does he or she have when speaking about people from their past – exes, friends? Does your ideal partner take their health seriously? Is your ideal partner religious or is that not important to you? Are they an animal lover? Are they a vegetarian or vegan like you?
There’s an example in the book where a client was thinking about her ideal partner and she showed me her desired list. When I reviewed her list, it didn’t include health. I remember telling my client that he looked good on paper, but I wanted to know if she was interested in dating a ghost? When she inquired why I said a ghost, I told her that she didn’t mention health at all. Was that important to her? Didn’t she want a healthy partner? She was shocked that she didn’t even think of her ideal partner as someone who was healthy. It may seem obvious, but she hadn’t put that on her list. In her case, it was time to revisit her list.
You recently recorded the audio book version. Is the audio book different from the book?
Ellany: I updated the book while recording the audio book, however the audio book has an added bonus. At the end of each chapter, the listener will find “A Meditation to Assist the Journey.” This meditation will take them deeper into the topic discussed and allow them to gain more insight into themselves. Once they gain that insight, they can work with that information and continue on their journey to become more whole.
Where can we find the book and audio book?
Ellany: Amazon.com, Audible, and iTunes. For more information about me, please go to ellanykincross.com.
